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Roughly Translated: Assassin’s Fair

July 27, 2011

Well, hello there. I didn’t see you come in. Please, have a seat while I talk at you in stilted, and highly sarcastic language about my eccentric experiences that I think everyone should find just as important as me. Without segue, I walked out of my door one day to find another protest that no one cares about. At least it wasn’t blocking traffic like the one at the end of this post.

A strange protest. Not really sure what it was all about. Involved folkloric dance.

As I found out the hard way, prepaid phones are a complete rip-off in Argentina, ironic, considering how much more socialist Argentina is than the U.S. I had to go back to the phone store to have them put the money on my card that they were supposed to the first time. And then they still didn’t do it like they promised, so I got fed up and just did it myself, eating 45 pesos. Teléfono Personal: You suck. I hate you.

Anywho, on my way back from the store, I encountered this, along with an uncountable number of underwear retailers. I’m not sure why Argentina’s demand is so much higher than other countries. Maybe they’re more romantic, or something.

I'm realizing that you could essentially boil down all my photos into just a few categories...

Unrelated. Here’s a truck that was pulling over, as men were collecting gas tanks that had fallen out while it was driving. But wait, what does that say on the back of the truck?

"Danger Explosive"

There are some things I’ll just never understand:

I think they were chasing after that person

I took another look at Recoleta Cemetery.

This time I saw its most popular destination.

Depicted in his preferred form of clothing

Oops, actually that’s some Casanova type who had sexual relations with an inordinate number of women. I meant the Eva Perón grave:

Like an obedient little tourist

The next one over:

Next door neighbors can't compete with her business

Elections happened recently, or something along those lines. I just know that I wasn’t able to buy alcohol for a day. They literally blocked off the liquor section of the grocery store.

Election shenanigans

According to photos of this iPod that I jacked off some guy (and whose identity I’m currently thieving to the max), I then went to a soccer match, probably Copa America between Mexico and Uruguay. It was there that I had an encounter with death:

My best bud Death

But it’s cool, we’re friend now. We sat in the Mexican section and got all painted up.

Mexican professional wrestler and exaggerated Mexican mustaches. Apparently the Mexicans have similar stereotypes of themselves as we United States-ians.

Here’s a Mexican song combined with fútbol footage:

I’ve also been known to do work on occasion:


I dragged an American friend with me to see the Feria de Mataderos, which I thought meant “Assassin’s Fair,” but that would turn out to be too good to be true. Actually, matadero means butcher.  I’ll continue to pretend, though. Here was our bus stop:

Bus stop signage. Sasquatch was here.

These gauchos had to extract a tiny ring with a tiny stick from the frame at full gallop.

I always wanted to combine the adjustable squeezing power of vice grip pliers with the brush-clearing capabilities of a machete, but just couldn't figure out how.

Took all my will power not to jump on the saddle

It was the second time that I saw the type of product below, as you may remember.

Variations on a theme

Panoram o' Rama!

David Tomczyk likes tamales and so should you

Close by, there was a museum about the Argentine Creoles.

Wild, wild Argentina

This was a particularly strange entry (diagrams of the various cow cuts):

Brought to you by the Argentina Beef Industries Association, reminding you: "Fuck Chick-Fil-A!"

The truth comes out: Argentina killed Bambi's mother!


Still in use

Are those not the creepiest puppets you've ever seen?

Anyone have a spare?

The root of my daily headaches from incessant honking


Probably the best bus I've ever seen

Volcanic ash. Don't see that every day.

Around the town:

Very common is soliciting on public transportation. You will be bombarded by people putting random items in your lap in hopes that you will want to buy it.

I’m pretty sure that my bus driver lit up a mary-jane one time on my way back from work. He was also driving like a madman.

Finally tried bitter máte. It was interesting.

I thought a COP was going to pull over a car here for speeding and got my hopes up, but they were dashed. I continue believing that it has never happened here, ever.


Went to Tecnópolis today, a technology expo supposedly of Argentinas latest innovations.

The expo was interrupted two days in a row because the tents couldn’t withstand one day’s rain. Apparently too much for Argentina’s technology. They also didn’t indicate said closure on the website.

Next up: Córdoba!


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